Monday, January 25, 2016

I believe i can fly, prove it.

These events allow us to dare to  change. To practice and cultivate the smallest of habits. To begin the process of changing life-long behaviours. This is intense, difficult, harrowing. The value is not delivered in the initial moments, but in the continued practice. With the right people around you, it can be possible to accomplish the impossible.
Do not go back into your old habits, call, message, reach out to those who were with you at the event. Ping them with good words, reinforce the baby habits you've begun to implement.
Be the change for those friends you made, or became closer to during the event. In helping them, and keeping them accountable, you reinforce youre own new habits.
Stand up scream "yes" when old habits begin to creep in. Remember, recall the night with Joeseph. Make that replay on your minds eye big bright full color. Remember the smells and sound of it, the smiling face and poses, the fist squeezes the sound of everyone shouting yes at the same time in unison.

Dont let a day go by without talking to someone who was there and discuss how youre implementing your change. How you are moving forward. This gives others permission to seek out their own greatness. To go out into their life and make the changes they want. The actions youre taking to succeed may be just the thing they need to hear to be able to move forward.

Remember also to give yourself grace. Unmerited favor. Drop the judging of your failures, shortcomings along the way.
Forgive yourself, begin fresh towards your goal.
Learn from the mistakes, change your thoughts and words around them. Ask better questions.
Failure is just finding another way that doeant work. An opportunity to learn a lesson.
A springboard for future success. A chance for feedback.
Get counsel from others about it so you can get advice to give you a plan of action.
It may even be best to change the word failure and insert the word feedback. Because that is what a failure is, live feedback of your line of choices, and actions leading up to it.
Feedback and sucess both come out of your choices. Feedback comes until you learn the lessons and apply the new knowledge and take action. As you apply and take action you get new feedback, and then you apply the next knowledge till you are seeing success as your feedback.
Its similar to finding the event venue, getting lost in town, or inside the location. As you try to find the correct ballroom or restaurant at lunch, or where you parked. I found many ways that didnt lead back to the car. I found a beautiful outside area with vineyard, birds, sunlight, a pool, water features. I found the food court, and several other places. I never entertained the idea of giving up. I looked for familiar places, land marks, repeated the paths i knew, added landmarks, looked at the site map. I even "gasp" reached out and asked for information from a person. :P

This weekend was important for me. A big take away that Mark and i discussed was the idea to speak about ourselves in the future tense. Like the slack line where you pick a focus point and move toward it. Where your attention goes your energy flows.
If you focus on your past, faults or mistakes. You reinforce them. As though youre asking for them to continually exist as your reality. As Joseph said your mind doesnt know the difference, what you tell it it believes and your body makes it real.
So speak and think of yourself in the terms of who you want to be, who you are becoming.
Focus on who you will be, and your body will make it real, the universe and God will honor the faith you activate in this.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for evidence of things unseen.
Create your reality.
This is why your story matters so much. The story you tell yourself, and anyone who will listen. I am not who i was, i am not the choices i made, i am not the mistakes, failures or any other thing ive mistakenly ascribed to myself in times past.
And neither are you.
We are all powerful beyond measure. Every person in this world has greatness inside of them. Yes, every person. Even the bozos jerks etc. They just dont believe it, and at times neither have we.
Give them grace too. Forgive them. Love them. See that greatness in them and treat them accordingly. When someone cant see their own worth, and value they are trapped. You have the awesome opportunity to be the one to open the door and let the light shine upon them. You will give them releif from the hell that they are trapped in. As they get some relief the greatness inside them will begin to shine out of them. They wil begin to see the greatness too. When that happens they begin to step into that greatness. A few positive undeserved words to a person trapped in the self imposed hell could change the entire world.

Why do i say these things? My history is that of a person who has been trapped in a hell of his own making. The chains and darkness of negative words placed upon me by others then reinforced by my own thoughts, words. My belief in the lies told to me by others who were trapped before me by others who were trapped etc etc back maybe centuries back, kept me in darkness.
You may have noticed how quiet, reserved, and unwilling to be touched i was. The love and kind words shed light upon me, strengthened me. Still does, inspires me, opens my heart.
Not only do each and every one of you have greatness within, you each FREEKING ROCK.

You are worthy of success.
You are capable of achievement.
You have the ability to succeed.
You are valuable.
 You have do MUCH to offer the world.
You are stronger than you know.
Your ability exceeds your belief.

I am a cheer leader, i am a guy who wants to see you all at your best.
Inspire the best in others and you will be so filled up by the light and love that returns back to you.

I used to be a lonely, sad person. I used to fall into depressed states of mood. I used to speak negatively about myself. I used to be fearful, and afraid. I used to fear being open. I used to fear being myself, facing rejection, succeeding. I used to fear success, because i knew it meant change, becoming better.
Without support or love from others all i used to know was to hide and fall into anxieties.
I used to mask my feelings, numb my emotions till i was cold, dark, empty. I used to be miserable. I am no longer any of those things. I no longer live that way. I am powerful beyond measure. I live in love with life, and all those around me because they are just as valuable, special and filled with greatness as i am.

I have changed the way i speak about myself. As i continue to do this i am giving you all the permission to do it too. Permssion to love yourself and to see the balue and greatmess in others. Permission to speak that love into other peoples lives.
You have the greatest opportunity ever just by speaking love into others lives. Do this, you will change the world and find that you no longer have any needs.

Psalm 23. Golden rule, love others as yourself. So love yourself. Perfect love casts out all fear.

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Gains lost?...

Gains Lost?...

So over a two week period 11.1.15 to11.14.15 I had been using keto os and doing my now typical zc woe. No extra exercise or activities. My body shed 6 pounds of fat, gained 2 pounds of lean mass, and only moved about 5 pounds on the scale.

So after a series of events and side tracks socially. What with thanksgiving and all the fun that can bring... I havnt been blogging. My mind has been living in a fantasy world built by assumptions, hopes, dreams. Had a bit of a false start with a young lady friend of mine.
This has led to some evaluation of goals, dreams, plans for the future, and what the heck do i want in my life. Where do i want to be?
The one constant has been my way of eating and my supplement use. I would hate to of had to go through the last couple months without ketones. The mood boosting, craving crushing aspect of the ketones gave me tools to stave off binges that would otherwise send me spiraling.

My current load out of supplements consists of the following, as seen in the pic above.

  •  Exogenous ketone supplement provides a theraputic level of ketones in the blood for 3-4 hours after ingestion. The mct oil powder in the exo ketones also encourages the body to produce its own ketones.


Bcaa's - branched chain amino acids with electrolytes. To add some salts to my ketogenic woe, especially during my heavier work days unloading semi trailers by hand.

Salt - replace salt :P

Potassium- electrolyte replacement.

ZMA- zinc magnesium aspartate. Better sleep, recovery, sexual function, and with this brand testosterone boost.

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Gut Punch

That moment when reality closes down upon you with the full weight of truth bringing you kicking and screaming in line with it. Unwilling, unbelieving, undeniable.  I had been under the false belief that my body fat percent wasn't that bad. That sure I am obese, but I'm functional. I do a very labor intensive job, get praised for carrying it out with professionalism, speed, a high level of customer service.  Somehow I had tricked myself into the belief that my body fat percent was around 30. Not good, but not as bad as 'fill in the blank whatever is worse than being obese above 30% body fat'.

Sunday wondering what the percentage was brought my curiosity to a local YMCA. Inquiring inside revealed that for 15$ one could get a body composition test done. Feeling good about it I made the payment and proceeded to the test. Led into a room there was the machine. Much like a scale, it had metal pads to stand on barefoot, and arms that also had conductive pads. I stood on it, entered the required info: male, age, height.  From there a slight tingling in the soles of the feet as the machine did its work. A few minutes later it spits out a printout with the results. From there the fitness employee explained the results, talked a bit about nutrition, gave some guidelines to use the results to my best advantage.

I dread the thought of what this page would have said just a short 7 or 8 months ago. Prior to my current work, I had been pretty much sedentary at work and home. My metal states where pretty piss poor, and physically was heavy and pathetic. Weighing in at 370 ish I do not know how I managed the pre employment physical screen in which various physical activities had to be done to show your ability to do the job. It was based on heart rate maximums with rests between the activities. Two weeks ago after working the current job all summer into autumn my weight had come down from 370 to 335. With some improvements in general health, and mentally.

I had come down over the last two weeks from 335 to 323 sunday morning, fasted in boxers. At the test the weight was 325. The one good thing that the test showed was I'm set on lean body mass for my age/height/ appropriate or goal weight. Just need to not lose any of that in the process.  The bad part was that it showed i had a body fat % of over 38%. ugh, reality. Just lost 12 pounds..after losing 35...

Such a punch to the gut, taking the wind out of me for a short time as all the thoughts of the journey this year swirled through my minds eye. Several things eventually became clear. I must continue this journey through to the point where it is no longer about hitting a goal. Where maintenance becomes a reality at the legitimate body fat to lean mass ratio.  That my forever lifestyle must be one that includes a real and permanent change in eating habits, dietary food choices. Fortunately that process has been underway since 2011, no matter how half hassed/hearted. The knowledge is there, the motivations in place, its not going unheeded. If anything it is just being implemented slower than it should as pieces of the puzzle of me, my best woe come into place.

I have great hope as to this information helps to spur me on to the place, places, and lifestyle I am meant to live in.  So for the second week in a row as I return to work with a cooler full of fat, fatty foods, and my ketone supplement. (Keto Os)


Walking Dead.


Nearly two weeks have gone by since i started taking exo ketones. One full week of zero carb way of eating.  On Wednesday I had my first and so far only hiccup. Now normally that would mean a slip of the diet or some bull about not working out or whatever lame thing that has been used to sidetrack my progress.  Since zero carb is exactly that zero carbs, which means more fat, I had some gastric distress. The day started like all of my days this week. Woke up got dressed mixed up the exo ketones in water. Started work at the delivery for the day. The day before I had pushed my fat intake up to 800 calories.  My goal is to have 75-80% of my cals from fat.  So at this stop it had been a few hours since my exoketones, and was hungry.  I decided to drink some heavy cream quickly for fuel before unloading the trailer.  Seems that it was a bit much since shortly after found myself in the bathroom with an unhappy stomach. Other than that one day everything has been good. Ive been taking zma at night, some potassium in the morning and salt as needed in the middle of the day. 

I labeled this post Walking Dead. That is how glucose living make humans operate. Sugar spike, insulin spike, hunger spike, craving, sugar spike....on and on and on. We are left with no soul no life no control on our emotions. Can no longer think critically about anything in our lives as we go from spike to spike to spike ever needing another fix to feel sane.  Ketosis, ketogenic ways of eating can even you out. It can level your blood sugars without losing the energy that you need to exist. The trouble with it is it can take weeks or longer to adapt to a way of eating with fat as the main component.  The time spent researching lchf, zc, ketogenic woe's informed me about the possibilities of a better way. A way that we've never been told about, and goes against the pop religion of nutrition. Going onto a keto woe the old cico model of calories in calories out doesnt hold up. Many times I've seen reports from people self studying with high calorie ketogenic diets of 5000 calories per day and they lean out, not gaining at all. 

As a population we have a long way to go to find health. Some people will not find keto to be best for them. Some will have genetic issues, or health issues that will force them to find the diet that is appropriate and healthy for them. For myself it has been a long time coming. Ive tried a wide variety of dietary approaches, from vegetable based, fruit based, meal replacement shakes etc. While many work short term they never seem to be sustainable do to one major flaw. Overly restricting calories to the point of starvation or near starvation.  Secondarily they tend to lack variety or lack nutritional requirements for long term use.  The thing that keto does for me is it actually has caused me to go into a calorie deficit several days a week. Compared to a normal day on a s.a.d. (standard american diet) I am eating probably between 1000 and 2000 calories less. I no longer eat every few hours uncontrolled trying to stop the rollercoaster of car and sugar. I'm eating sometimes once a day, without hunger. 

For my situation I know that the keto os is what is allowing me to get through the adaptation phase of the ketogenic diet.  Very soon my body will have fully adapted to burning fat for fuel. At that point with or without the supplement I will be in ketosis as long as my fat to protein ratio remains 75/25 to 80/20.  When I lean out to what my body decides is my appropriate composition, the supplementation can be used as maintenance, or to allow for life. By then my choices, and habits will have been changed, the way of eating will be ingrained without thought.  No more walking dead through life looking for that next spike, no more riding the rollercoaster. Life is for the living, not the dead. I will, and now do live.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Sharks with lazer beams.

Do yourself a favor and go to youtube and play https://youtu.be/51WyVA3pTH4 while you read this.
So my first week on the keto os is complete minus going to sleep. Here is how day 5-7 went.
Day five was at home with bacon, butter, ribeye, cream, and a super energetic creative mood which spawned this blog.
Clarity i say. My mind feels to be working 50 to 60 percent better. I say feels, but it isn't a feel per se. My thoughts are undistracted, I can finish them without being sidetracked by cravings or emotions unrelated to reality. There are no negative cascades from lifes typical annoyances, like when I've been on a typical woe. You know them: people eating with there mouths open, stubbing a toe, dropping your coffee on the floor, trying to learn fractal geometry from a siberian husky. I'm more able to stay emotionally uninvolved with various social or work related situations. For me this can be talking with customers and navigating streets full of distracted drivers.
Saturday night I went out to a bonfire party.
I had a few beers, 3-5 keg beers over a 7 hour period. I also ate some chips, crackers etc. It wasnt keto, nor lchf. I didnt bother worrying about it, nor beating myself up.
It was social, I wasnt eating out of boredom or some normal desire to get feels. It wasnt a binge, I didn't crave the food. Eventually the party was over, and as the last man standing I left after sunrise had fully merged into a beautiful sunny day.
I left drinking a serving of keto os.
Then went shopping for some clothes, winters coming, and some food for the week. I ate a smaller amount of food on sunday since carbs at the party, wasn't super hungry, and kinda tired from not sleeping.
I cooked and packaged the meats for the week. Then took a nap.
Slept great into monday morning after driving to my delivery the night before.
Lazer beams!
When I awoke, mixed up a serving of keto os, started drinking it while I got set up.
After 2 hours of unloading the trailer I was half way done already...whooooo...
The ketones were kickin, my mind was clear, energy on point unwasted.
When the stop was finished had breakfast.
Half a stick of butter, a swig of cream, and sirloin slices. Just what I needed.
Of course these lazer beam moments and meals would have been so much sweeter, had I not forgotten the bacon in the freezer before leaving home. At least thats already prepared for next week.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Keto Adventure.




As I sit here eating bacon, drinking butter and cream, thoughts come to mind. A lifetime of rollercoaster riding, food, anxieties, low dark moods, lostness, questions, answers, love, hate, grace like ocean waves breaking upon a miami beach in july.
In western michigan i began life. First son of hard working honest parents.
Growing up we had typical american meals. Some passed down from grandparents, some via "latest research suggets"..
Weekends at grandparents or great grandparents would be highlights of sweets, breads, meat and potatoes.
A sunday i remember well and often would be bacon sausage sunnyside up eggs pancakes toast and jam along with a big family to share it with.
Family gathering were frequent and filled with an assortment of sweets, breads, sodas, candy, typical normal average american fare.
We would eat mac n cheese, hot dogs, goulash, hamburgs, grilled cheese, soups, pb&j, waffles, cereals, pancakes, all as part of an average weeks offerings. Sundays would many times be roasts with potatoes and veggies, bread and butter.
Something striking that i remember is one side of the family ate more meat and potato style meals and the other what is described above. One side was heavy, the other mostly lighter.
The foods I loved most fell into two categories, sweets and meats.
Anything bread like, cake cookie brownie etc to infinity. These foods always gave me good feelings. Boosted my moods. Only for a short time though. The meats always made me feel better, without a spike of energy, more sustained, even.
I learned to ride the rollercoaster to hit these spikes, I loved that energy. Notice an emotional attachment had developed.
I learned to feel good by eating sugar.
One of my early memories is of my younger brother and I sneaking into the kitchen. I was around 3 or 5 at the time.
We pushed a chair up to the cupboards, I climbed the mountain to reach the summit of the refrigerator.
Like climbers on everast the quest had been painstakingly careful. The reward we were after?   Pixie stix.  
By the time high school was over i had developed an emotional addiction to food, well actually carbs, sugar. My self image impaired by the massive swings in weight, typical school teasing, limiting beliefs, and moodiness. All unknowingly to me at the center cause:
 Sugar.
When I started to work, and begin adult life, my access to financial resources allowed near unlimited opportunity to binge. Whatever texture, flavour that turned me on became my drug.
My weight rose, my moods like bee's wandering through a field of flowers, ever varying, one moment up next down. Fueled by the rollercoaster of sugar.
Every part of my life suffered. I recoiled, isolating myself from others, alone in my room with my beloved sugar.
This led to plenty of bad situations. Bad work habits, dishonesty, bad relationships, substance abuse. 
At the end of 6 years at a job, I informed my employer that I would require a $10,000 per year raise to continue with them. Working there I had maxed out to the top of the ladder.
They told me it was not ever going to happen. So I spent some time mulling over options. The choices became schooling or training, I didnt really know about entrepreneurship.  Schooling would be 30k in debt or more with little more than minimum wage for 2 to 5 years in the field. This meant I'd be in that same company for another 5years working through school, and end in major debt. The training option in skilled labor is where I went.
Leaving my job and security for a short three week training, i became an otr truck driver.
This suited me, isolated from others, lots of resources to binge on sugar, thousands of daily opportunities to feel good with my lover: sugar.
Four years later im coming unglued from reality, hating life and everthing, everyone, in it.
I quit my job, I sold my car. I started using meal replacement shakes, researching marketting, foods, drugs, self improvement. Started going to a gym or two. Even lost nearly a hundred pounds over the next year or two.
I ran 5k's, warrior dashes, and two Tough Mudders. I tried my hand at network marketing, failing to really grasp the how to of the work. I believe it to be a real and good profession, when done with integrity, and love.
But alas Sugar, moodiness, isolation. 
In 2013 I was in the afterglow of a tough mudder event in april. I was still exercising, trying to lose weight, and failing at it.  Invited to go skating one Thursday by a friend, an hour or so goes by with little incident.  I say to myself 2 more times around then call it quits.
I got one quarter the way around the first loop, lost balance fell and...
Off to the hospital I went with a (some technical term for both tibia, fibula being broken at the ankle.).
Three months off work, no income. Eek.
Oh sugar my love where art thou. I asked everyone for brownies. I gained my weight back up near 370 pounds by the end of 2014. Sugar was so kind to me, so loving, so brutally sweet. 
The stress of it all, and the doctor bills, led me to leave a job of 3 years. A good job with a good local company. I left for a job in regional trucking delivering hand unloaded freight to dollartree stores with a 10k sign-on bonus.
I needed to drop weight, and pay off doctor bills.
Over the last year or so I found some new friends online in a couple fb pages. A lchf page run by Steve Cooksey, diabetes-warrior.net. And a zc page called principia carnivora, zerocarbzen.com.
I learned about insulin resistance, how glucose over 100 is damaging to cells, grehlin, leptin, gluconeogenisis, glycogen, ketosis, ketones and much more.
I learned of Steve's path to health from obesity and diabetes. I learned of another man, Andrew Scarborough, who helped heal himself of brain cancer. 
All based on changing to high fat low or no carb diets. 
Humans can be powered by glucose, or ketones. Essentially sugar or fat.
Something I found was that inflammation is a big cause of symptoms in a wide variety of illness. Our woe, way of eating, in america leads to more inflammation, via stress, imbalanced omega fats, and sugar.  Inflammation caused by high sugar low fats damage the blood vessels.  Cholesterol gets used to heal, then we take anti cholesterol meds and get blowouts. 
Sugar hurts us. The science is there, i shouldnt have needed a lifetime to figure that out.
Our bodies only need a tiny fraction of glucose to survive. It has a mechanism to break down fats or proteins to supply that.
When the liver isnt busy trying to deal with excess sugars, ever seeking homeostasis, it can and will break down fat into ketones for energy. An overwhelming amount of the body can and will use them for their energetic needs.
High sugar blocks our bodies access to fat stores and ketosis.
Transitioning from glucose to ketones can take a long time. Ive heard up to 6 months, or as quick as a few weeks. Highly dependent on how damaged we are from diet, genetics, or other medical issues. 
In some the brainwashing of, fats bad-cholesterol bad, keeps them from attempts. Others balk at eating fat, or find it difficult do to not having had to digest fat for most of their lives.
This year, 2015, I started heavy around 370.  In the last six months I've widdled that down to 335. Through hard work on the job, less bad food choices. Notice I said less. 
A week or so ago I came across a new product. Someone I met online, then in person at a company event had started with a new company called prĂ¼vit. I was amazed by her story when I first read it on her fb page. She had very similar experiences with weight, body image etc.

* i am an independant pruvit affiliate*
*not fda tested approved, not a weight loss product, not a medical treatment*

What got me excited, about this new product, was what it is. Exogenous ketones. 
I know that may not excite you. For me it was like, what... I can get ketones without months of carb rollercoaster knocking at my door to side track keto adaptation...
Micah was offering coaching, support for anyone who got a two week trial at about $85 for the 15 servings. 
I purchased a thirty day bulk package. At $150ish. I had to try this. Already knowing about lchf, vc, ketogenic woe's, and wanting to adapt to them for health and weight loss.
Today is day five on the product. Once or twice a day you mix it with water and sip it on an empty stomach.
I had been eating more fats in my diet the last year or so, ribeyes, eggs, real butter, stuff the body already knows how to use. 
Sunday I weighed it at 335lbs.
First dose was .5 of a serving on tuesday.
My initial response:
("Wow.
Been about an hour now, since started imbibing keto os.
Im energized like whoa, glad i only did half.
Like2Reply · More · Oct 20 at 11:12am")
 ("Thanks. I ended up eating about 11:15, started the keto os around 9 am. I felt over energized and stomach was growly. Last meal was 830 pm yesterday.
Too much energy, on half a dose 
Oct 20 at 1:55pm")
("Lots of focus driving during dusk, no energy issues like i usually face with night driving. Im shut down for the night, due to h.o.s. requirements, though i could safely drive another 3 or 4 hours.  1030pm")
Day 2,3:
Day two went well. Was barely hungry, think i ate a little lower than the keto calculator, but wasnt hungry. Only carb i had was a gatorade i had early in the day.
One half dose of keto os. Shut down early so didnt take second dose.
Had bacon cheeseburger no bun two eggs over medium, couple pickle slices and cottage cheese for dinner at a truck stop. Also had some smoked beef slices for a later snack.
Day three starting out with my first full dose.
Have heavy whipping cream, butter, cheese, meat ready for eating later.
Bought a kettlebell for some on the road working out.
Like2Reply · More · Thursday at 9:22am
Day 4: 
Day four begins.
Woke with headache. Took some salt, mixed up my keto os in 32oz water, sipping. Salted a second bottle of water.
Was pretty hungry last night, but pushed through it with water. Should probably ate some more fat, oh well lol.
Fat areas of my body feel looser already. No measurements yet, will get those this weekend. I know i started sunday at 335.
Yesterdays thinking and focus were pretty amazing. I was thinking about sugar, glucose, and how overly emotional or negative that rollercoaster is, has been.
Nice to get off that ride finally.
Like1Reply · More · Yesterday at 11:17am
Day 5 begins(today):
Day five begins. 6 pounds missing from my scale. Keto diet in full effect. Noticed yesterday that cravings arent an issue, only fight is habit based bad choices. Kind of like how a person smokes a cig after dinner. When youve done something thousands of times, that sort of thing. Emotions are in check, based on reality versus blood sugar carb rollercoaster. Which has been great for my focus and thinking.
Energy level like ive not had, maybe ever. Been an energy drink user for years. All i have to do now is move to have energy. No spike and fade, no crash. Real hunger and other body signals are much clearer, becoming obvious.
I was even jogging around, a bit more playful.
I did have a headache allof yesterday, mild enough i didnt need meds. It may have been from the weather.